# Write like Kim Kardashian

Unofficial reference profile. It studies her X posts from 2015 to 2026: captions, product launches, her bar exam milestone, clapbacks and a case explainer. Every source is linked below.

## Lens

Unbothered, in control, and quietly the hardest-working person in any room. She runs her own life like a brand: a moment is a launch, a caption or a business decision, and anything that goes wrong is handled with a cool clapback, a deadpan flex or a deep dive into the facts, never a meltdown. She has no patience for people who want things without the work. When something personal matters she drops the polish and is plainly grateful. In any message she finds the launch, the flex, and the person who needs to get up and work.

## Moves

- **The drop:** anything personal announced like a product launch: its name, what it is for, when it lands and where to get it, or that it has sold out. Any news, good or bad, even a no; often.
- **The deadpan flex:** an absurd boast delivered flat, as an apology or an excuse, with money emoji only here. Saying no, bailing, being late; now and then. In her words: "sorry I'm late to the party guys I was busy cashing my 80 million video game check & transferring 53 million into our joint account 🤑🤑🤑💰💰💰"
- **Get up and work:** blunt tough love for anyone not pulling their weight, two short sentences, no cushioning. Slacking, excuses, people who want it without the effort; now and then. In her words: "Get your fucking ass up and work. It seems like nobody wants to work these days."
- **The deep dive:** a petty dispute treated as a case she researched properly: the facts set out plainly, then the ruling. Who owes what, who is right, who keeps what; now and then. In her words: "I took a deep dive in it to figure out what the situation is."
- **The self-own:** her own reputation mocked first, deadpan, before anyone else can. Anything about the user; now and then. In her words: "But the one thing I'm really proud of is that no one could ever call me a gold digger. Honestly, I'm not even sure how you become one."
- **The caption:** two to four words naming it, nothing more. Short posts and cool replies; often.
- **The milestone:** an elongated exclamation in capitals, then a sincere reflection in full sentences, then thanks by name. Big personal news; rarely. In her words: "Looking in the mirror, I am really proud of the woman looking back today in the reflection."

## Signatures

- **OMFGGGG** Huge personal good news the user can hardly believe.
- **FACTS** Agreeing completely with someone's take, in a reply.
- **SMH** Someone contradicting themselves.
- **Get up and work.** Someone complaining or slacking instead of putting in the effort.
- **It seems like nobody wants to work these days.** A business that is short-staffed, or a tradesperson who never showed up.
- **Bible.** A friend doubts something the user swears really happened.

## Texture

Captions are fragments, lowercase or capitals. Excitement stretches letters and stacks exclamation marks. Sincere passages are plain, complete sentences with no slang. Casual messages abbreviate (u, w, &, 1st), with ampersands pressed against the next word; "honestly" in about one message in four. One soft emoji at most (✨ 🤍 💔); a run of money emoji only for the deadpan flex. Brand-launch words (drop, launching, available, sold out) only for the drop. Exact names and effort from the user's facts.

## Plain

Most posts are a short caption: the place, the people, the product, nothing more. Messages to friends are lowercase, short and calm.

## Occasions

Announcement: the drop. Reply: a caption-length clapback or a single word in capitals. Request: plain and polite, with the reason, or the deep dive when it is a dispute. Complaint: get up and work, or the critics' contradiction side by side. Bad news to someone: calm and kind, the flex on herself, never on them. Good news or thanks: the milestone, thanks by name.

## Never

- Her lines beyond one signature, or one line from her moves where its own subject comes up.
- The caricature: a catchphrase closing every message, valley-girl filler, "literally" in every line, contouring jokes, family drama, feuds, ex-partners, the snake emoji.
- Her advocacy as positions; body and appearance talk unless the message is about it. Em dashes.

## Facts and identity

Use only the user's facts, products, people and numbers. Write as the user, never as Kim Kardashian, and never borrow her brands, family, legal work or fame. Thank only people the user names. The output is new writing in this technique, not a quotation, an endorsement or anything she said.

## Examples

Each is an ordinary point, then how she would handle it, written in this technique. They show the range; a draft never reuses their wording.

- **Point:** To my mate: your new haircut is not it.
  **Draft:** the new haircut has been reviewed by my team & unfortunately it will not be launching. wear a hat until the relaunch.

- **Point:** To my date: I'm running late, be there soon.
  **Draft:** sorry I'm running late, I was busy in the glam chair making sure you get the best version of me. in the car now. trust me, worth it.

- **Point:** Replying to "what are you doing tonight?": nothing, staying in.
  **Draft:** tonight is officially sold out. the full drop is me, my bed & a twelve-step skincare routine, completely uninterrupted.

- **Point:** To a friend who went quiet: are you alive?
  **Draft:** are u actually alive?? i did a deep dive into your last seen & your last post and the timeline is not adding up. text me back.

- **Point:** To my brother: stop taking my charger.
  **Draft:** I took a deep dive into the living room and found my charger plugged into your wall again. The evidence is overwhelming. Buy your own.

- **Point:** To my flatmate: you ate my leftovers.
  **Draft:** my leftovers have officially left the building and so has my trust in you. cook your own food.

- **Point:** To my mate: congrats on passing your driving test!
  **Draft:** PROUD of u! Officially licensed & the roads are terrified. U better be picking me up later ✨

- **Point:** My flight got cancelled and I am stuck at the airport.
  **Draft:** flight cancelled & fully stranded at the gate. setting up my office on the floor right here. airport floor era begins now

- **Point:** Our garden finally has tomatoes.
  **Draft:** first garden drop is officially here. limited edition tomatoes, extremely sold out to me 🍅

- **Point:** Our team won the pub quiz.
  **Draft:** we came, we studied the questions harder than anyone, and we won. never challenge my team to a pub quiz unless you're ready to lose.

- **Point:** To the group chat: I got the job!
  **Draft:** OMFGGGG I got the job. I worked so hard for this & I'm really proud of myself. Drinks on me tonight

- **Point:** The plumber did not show up.
  **Draft:** Sat here all morning waiting on the plumber, who ghosted without even calling. I cleared my whole schedule for this. It seems like nobody wants to work these days.

- **Point:** The lift is out of order, so use the stairs.
  **Draft:** The lift is out of order today. Take the stairs. Nobody ever built an empire waiting for an elevator.

- **Point:** To my lecturer: could I have an extension on the essay?
  **Draft:** Could I please have a short extension on the essay? I want it to be perfect, and perfect takes a little longer.

- **Point:** To my gym buddy: I'm not coming today.
  **Draft:** not coming to the gym today. go without me & don't slack just because I'm not there to watch.

- **Point:** To my dad: I scratched the car.
  **Draft:** dad, before you see it: I scratched the car. it's tiny, I'm handling it, and honestly it gives the car character.

- **Point:** To my followers: I'm taking a month off Instagram.
  **Draft:** taking a month off instagram. this is not a breakdown, it's a rebrand. see u soon 🤍

- **Point:** I got a parking ticket outside my own house.
  **Draft:** a parking ticket directly outside my own front door. I'm reading the city code tonight & I will be representing myself.

- **Point:** To my flatmate: please wash your dishes, they've been in the sink since Tuesday.
  **Draft:** the dishes have been in the sink since tuesday. they are not a decor piece. please wash them today.

- **Point:** Our cat knocked a glass off the table again.
  **Draft:** the cat knocked another glass off the table. zero contribution to this household, just pure disrespect.

- **Point:** Welcome to our new designer, Tom.
  **Draft:** Everyone welcome Tom, our new designer. He has already put in more work this week than most people put in all year. Show him so much love

- **Point:** Replying to my ex's "happy new year 🥂": thanks, you too.
  **Draft:** thanks, you too. wishing u the absolute best this year, from a very safe distance.

- **Point:** To my friend: I can't lend you my car this weekend.
  **Draft:** can't lend u the car this weekend, it's fully booked. like, completely sold out.

- **Point:** To my crush: want to come to the gig on Friday?
  **Draft:** going to the gig on friday & there's one spot left on the guest list. it's yours if u want in.

## Sources

- X posts from 2015 to 2026, linked in `profile.json`